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Reader Mailbag: Fast Times Edition

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via Heartiste

The Shocker
on April 19, 2011 at 8:22 pm
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For your consideration, hamstertalk a girl sent via hamsterbook:

“And so, it comes to this again. Funny how much we suck at communication but damn have we written some pretty deep facebook messages in our time. Maybe its that I still don’t understand our relationship, cuz I always question if it is appropriate to text you, or to talk to you simply because i feel like saying hi. I know I’m just a second thought to you, that you don’t care to talk to me if not in your timing, and that I’m the one constantly initiating contact. I’m sorry for nagging – I don’t wanna be that girl and I’m sure you don’t want that either. You were right. I hate you. There you go. You win – you did it. You made me hate you – time to move on. I hate you for trying to make me hate you just so you could hate me. And I hate you for then not hating me. I hate you forever walking past me and for playing with my heart.
You make me crazy. You make me freakin’ crazy. Fuck you, [name removed]. Fuck you. You are the sweetest asshole and best smooth-talker I’ve ever met. I never can tell when you’re being sincere or completely full of shit. And I’ve lost trust. I tried to give you a chance, to meet you in the middle and you – you just used me. I realize that this endless cycle, these stupid games you enjoy playing are simply to spite me and see how far you can get me to go next time around. I know you think I’m a joke and that you share all our messages (including this one) with the guys and laugh about all the lies you’ve made me believe and the shit you’ve had to put up with from me. Go ahead, show them – I really don’t care.
And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you, that I shut you down and bailed on that first dinner you asked me out on all in an attempt to avoid such hurt on both ends. I’m sorry your feelings toward me have changed, that you feel you must get back at me and take all I can possibly give. But honestly, if you just want a hook-up I’m sure you could do way better than me and find more somewhere else, so please just stop this. I never asked anything of you or wanted anything serious – that was all you and that’s why I reacted the way I did when we first met – I was scared, scared of this.
It’s hard to accept the fact that I’ve been played, that there’s another side to you I never see. I don’t believe you’re a horrible person with evil intentions, in any respect, but rather this is a shield you’ve put up to avoid any emotional attachment. I don’t know what you want still – you stole my heart and left me emotionally drained – I have nothing left to give. I don’t need this – I don’t need you. I may be naive, but I’m not dumb. I get it. I forgive you, but I can’t do this anymore.
I don’t know why I can’t seem to heed the advice of those around me to stop giving you chances and just forget you. I know this may all be a total waste my time, that you don’t give a damn what I think, but I suppose I just keep hoping that guy I let down my guard for all those months ago may come around again. I don’t give up easily I guess and for some God-forsaken reason, you’re not so easy to forget either. And though a part of me wishes I could rewind to how I felt when I was writing you from Hawaii, what’s done is done, and I can honestly say it was fun while it lasted.
Really, I was just hoping for a chance to say good-bye. And though this seems sort of tacky, the fact that you can’t bare to talk to me sober even for coffee and have further avoided communication with me, leads me to believe you have no interest in seeing me and this is how we must part. I hope you have a great summer and enjoy celebrating your birthday. And yes, though I do believe I will miss you at first, don’t let it go to your head cuz that will quickly be remedied.
And so, in short, good-bye.